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Full-time Dad
Part-time Kids  A guide for recently separated and divorced fathers Children need their fathers and their mothers In a perfect world, we would all live happily ever after and parents would never split up. In the real world, where we all have to live, separation and divorce are fairly common; many children do not live full-time with both biological parents. But parenting does not end after divorce. We know that children of separated parents need good parenting — in fact, they may need it even more than other kids. We also know that it’s best if they can get that from both parents. Therefore, this booklet is written with the assumption that, in most circumstances, the ideal thing for children of separated parents is to have a loving and supportive relationship with both Dad and Mom. What this booklet is and is not This booklet is about being a good father — the best one you can be in a fairly difficult situation: when you don’t live with your children full-time. It is not about the family court system or how to win a custody dispute. If those are your main concerns right now, or if you are dealing with issues such as a spouse who has significant personal problems or who is interfering with your legal access to your children, this booklet may not have some of the answers you are seeking. Those problems are real, very challenging and require specialized help from a lawyer, a family mediator, a professional counsellor or a support group for divorced fathers. This resource is about the male experience of parenting after a recent separation or divorce. Easier said than done Separated fathers do not all have the same experiences. Some get along well with their ex-partners; for others every encounter is a potential blow-up. Some divorced fathers live with their children half the time. Others are limited to every other weekend or may see their children under supervised conditions, or even not at all. Clearly some of these conditions make it much more difficult to maintain a close father/child relationship. One way or another though, most postseparation parenting situations present certain challenges for fathers who want to remain positively involved with their children. It’s well worth it to put some time and energy into thinking about how to meet those challenges. The big challenge When you are divorced or separated and you live apart from your children, you live a kind of double life — you’re always a father, but at times your life feels childless. It’s harder to feel connected to your children and you may not feel like you have very much influence over their lives. It can also be hard to find parenting information that relates to your situation. This booklet is designed to fill part of that gap and to help you think through some important issues. There won’t always be easy answers, but remember that regardless of your circumstances and no matter what goes right or wrong, your continuing contact and love is very important to your children. Of course, that’s important to you too, because you undoubtedly want the same thing as most other parents: a satisfying lifelong relationship with your children. |
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