Alienation

The Case of Parental Alienation
Parental Alienation is a phenomenon that develops almost exclusively as a by-product of separation and divorce.

The late Richard Gardner M.D. coined the term "Parental Alienation Syndrome, (PAS)" in the early 1970’s when he started to write about behaviors that he observed in children whose parents were divorcing. In particular, he noted that among some of these children, their once warm, loving and healthy relationship with both parents prior to divorce suddenly altered to the extent where one parent was loved and the other one was outwardly despised and rejected.

Upon further investigation, it was found that the "loved" or "preferred" parent had coerced the child into a partnership of maligning and denigrating the other parent. Therefore, PAS is a condition where one parent deliberately attempts to sever the relationship a child has with the other parent and in doing so, he or she engages the child in the vilification of the other parent.

Back in the 1970’s when PAS was first identified, mothers were most often reported as the parent responsible for this regrettable situation. Today, there appears to be an even split between mothers and fathers who initiate PAS in their children.

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR PAS - MOTHERS OR FATHERS?
It is thought that the shift in the initiators of PAS from being predominantly an issue involving mothers to one that is now equally shared by both mothers and fathers as having to do with:

• Fathers playing a more active role in their children’s lives
• The increase in dual income families
• Child support based on both parents’ ability to support their children

Based on the factors just identified, you can now see how finances play into the mix. However, the more important issue regarding PAS is how it plays out in custody battles.

PAS is very controversial. You may ask, how so? The answer has to do with strong "political" underpinnings which tie into the issue of child support and who pays it. PAS quickly evolved into a gender war with two factions involved: the feminists and the fathers movements, each presenting very strong opposing views. Unfortunately, the attention given to the politics of PAS has taken away from the real issue - that children are being used by parents who are selfish and motivated by revenge and money.

Many parents are confused as to what exactly constitutes PAS. What needs to be clearly understood is that PAS goes far beyond one parent "badmouthing" the other. In true PAS, there is a campaign of denigration of the targeted parent that includes the involvement of the children in the process. The critical issue is that the children are active participants in demeaning, denigrating and rejecting the targeted parent.



How to Know If Your Children Are Being Affected By PAS?
Many parents mistakenly assume that their children are victims of PAS. AS I said earlier, the critical issue in PAS is that the children cooperate with the alienating parents in the campaign of denigrating and rejecting the targeted parent. It is much more than children’s observed loyalty and/or upset with a parent that is often observed in children following their parents’ separation.

Dr. Gardner identified the following criteria as indicators of PAS:

• There is a campaign of denigration initiated by the alienating parent and involving the children
• Weak, frivolous or absurd rationalization for the deprecation of targeted parent
• Lack of ambivalence on the part of the children for their conduct with respect to the targeted parent
• Children exhibit the "independent thinker" phenomenon - i.e., they attest to not being influenced by anyone
• Reflexive support of the alienating parent
• Absence of guilt
• Spread of animosity to the extended family of the targeted parent

What Can You Do When You Believe That Parental Alienation Syndrome?
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a very serious problem. If any of the above criteria describe your child’s behavior, then do not ignore it thinking that it will subside or go away on its own. That is not how PAS works.

Unfortunately, the alienating parent typically does not stop the process until there is formal intervention or until the children are completely alienated from the other parent - no longer requiring their input. If you believe that PAS is affecting your children, then act now - DO NOT WAIT!!

Because PAS is not well understood, many solicitors and judges lack familiarity of it and consequently, they are often not able to quickly

Identify it. In light of this, it is imperative that you do not exclusively rely on your solicitor to formulate a PAS argument in court. As a parent and a client, you must provide your solicitor with the information that he or she will need to convince the judge that your children are being adversely affected by the other parent’s actions.

The first step in dealing with PAS is to recognize it.

The second step is to educate yourself and your solicitor.

When it comes to informing your solicitor about PAS, it is best to do so with a credible, concise and readable document that summarizes the relevant issues that differentiate PAS from the normal adjustment problems seen in children of divorce.